Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Legend of the Retracting Penis

Last week I was sitting at a table at school with the vice principal and a bunch of other profs. The vice principal had a story on his mind. He had recently heard, from the friend of a friend, about a really, really mean man.

Why was he mean? "This man got mad at another man, and he did some gri gri (voodoo magic) against him. The mean man told the other man the next day that he'd better not touch his wife or something bad would happen.

"The second man (against whom the first had done gri gri) slept with his wife -- how could he possibly help himself? The next day, the second man was with some friends when all of a sudden, he started sweating. Then he started shaking violently, and suddenly his penis got harder than it'd ever been in his life. Slowly, painfully, it started shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, until finally it turned inside out and retracted all the way into his body. And you know when that happens, you die."

The best part of hearing the story wasn't even the story itself, though I feel that this is a pretty excellent example of a voodoo story. No, the best part of this story was the fact that absolutely no one doubted the possibility or verity of the events recounted. Instead, we then spent half an hour discussing how someone could be so incredibly mean and twisted as to forbid someone to sleep with his own wife, when we all know that life without sex leads to death. What man could deny another a functional penis? Who could be so...evil?

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